My testimony begins in childhood, when I used to love listening to stories of Jesus, singing praise songs, and dreaming of being a missionary teacher in Burma (thanks to the stories of Eric B. Hare).
Instead, I made poor choices as a teenager and found myself married and living a lifestyle that was far from exemplary. Avoiding church because of the judgment that I felt would be placed on me, I spiraled down into a state of living for self. My marriage was troubled, so I threw myself into my job and my appearance. I may elaborate on this time in my life sometime in the future, but for now I will leave it to say that, with the exception of my failing marriage, I thought that my life should have been successful and enjoyable. Instead it was one elusive dream after another, each one promising contentment and happiness but delivering heartache and frustration.
I quit my flourishing career in an attempt to save my marriage, but sadly as time went on, the marriage dissolved. I found myself in anguish and grief. My self worth plummeted, and I began trying to recapture the faith of my childhood. Initially it seemed hopeless. I had abandoned the values I was raised with, and had lost the sanctity of the Sabbath. I wondered, "Do I have a chance since I knew what was right, but chose the wrong?" Friends, if this is where you are in your spiritual walk, let me assure you, the Lord is still there! He continues to call you. Let me give you an illustration.
A pilot decides to visit a town about 300 miles south of where he lives. He charts his course and takes off for his destination. Before long, an unexpected storm front moves in. Instead of returning to safety, the pilot decides to avoid the approaching storm and veers off course. Noticing this detour, the air traffic controller calls out to the pilot, but the pilot, thinking he will soon be back on course, ignores the voice of the controller. He continues to fly off course until he becomes out of range of the traffic controller and can no longer hear him. It is not because the air traffic controller is not continuing to try, but because the pilot chose not to follow directions. That is the point where I was after my marriage failed. I had gone so far out of range of the Holy Spirit contacting me that I could no longer hear His voice. Yet I knew that my only hope for survival was to get back into range. Could I do it? If so, how? That question was the most important question of my lifetime, and it compelled me to search for a better way, to search for the way back home.
Initially, I guess I was seeking "the warm fuzzies" (you might recognize it as the need to be a part of a church family only for the social interaction, feel-good messages and praise music). Despite the fact that I continued to follow many of my sinful ways, I soon became an active member in my church--feeling guilty much of the time because I was fearful that my fellow church members would find out that I didn't follow Christian practices during the week days. I lived with my boyfriend, continued living a separate "secular" life and would switch over to my "sacred" life on Sabbaths. However, I am convicted that even then the Lord was guiding me. Our adult Bible Study leader, Dorothy, reflected Christ's love and unpretentious nature. I began developing friendships with Christian women whom I admired for their joy and gentle spirits. Before long, some friends who had worked where I was raised moved to
God continued putting people in my life who offered me godly counsel and support as I began inviting my nieces and my dear sister-in-law (from my previous marriage), Kathi, to church. My boyfriend became my husband, but although a Christian, he didn't attend church often. One by one my worldly habits began slipping away. Secular music was being replaced by Christian radio. TV programming was losing its appeal. But the real catalyst came when Kathi's husband Joe lost his life in a horrific explosion, leaving his 8 and 12 year old daughter fatherless, and his devoted wife a widow. I struggled with the "why?" questions. I struggled with the dual life areas that I had not surrendered to God. It was at this junction in my life that I realized I could continue to take the "nominal Christian" road, or find a relationship in Christ.
Not long after that, my final decision came in a life and death situation. I took advantage of a cheap flight to Washington to visit my friend Melinda and her family. On Sunday we decided to head over to the beach, it was a beautiful day. The two 14 year old girls, Amanda and her friend Aleda were looking forward to swimming. I confessed I have never been ocean swimming because every time I have been to the ocean it was too cold or too dangerous, and I was immediately attracted to the idea. We arrived at an RV campsite where some of the family friends had set up a 5th wheel, and the other adults started talking as the girls and I headed for the beach. We swam and body surfed and had a wonderful time. There were a lot of people on the beach, a half dozen surf fishermen in the water, and it was a great day. The waves were breaking about four deep, we were probably 150 yards out. I suggested to the girls that we should head back to the camper, and Aleda looked at me in panic and said, "I'm trying, but I can't come back!" Amanda, who was about 20 feet in toward shore began to swim out toward us. By then, I realized she was just at the last breaker, and I wanted her to get back to safety. Moments before, Aleda and I were standing right where she was. "No, Amanda! Get back and get us some help!" I couldn't go towards Aleda or towards shore. I called out to Aleda, "DON'T panic. Look, here comes a wave behind you. Catch it and ride it in. Swim hard!" Then I was alone.
I was in a strange
position. Waves towered above me, but I only saw waves
coming
back from shore. No waves were going toward shore.
Initially, I would catch glimpses of the shoreline far away. I
prayed
that
Amanda and Aleda were safe, thinking Aleda had been swept out in the
opposite
direction. I remember thinking, "How ironic, I've always wanted
to do
swim in the ocean, and this might be the way I die," with complete
awareness of my trust in God and His incredible peace that surrounded
me. I don't know how long I had been swimming in this state
before suddenly striking sand with my foot. Although the tide was
still
going out, the water
was only
to my waist, and I could walk/swim to shore! As I looked
up,
Amanda and
Aleda were huddled about 50 yards away, closer to the shore. I
signaled I
was okay, then started toward them. Amazingly, I was not at all
out of
breath or tired...just very thankful to be alive. Together we
held hands while I offered up a prayer of
thanksgiving
for our safety before we waded out of the shallow water back toward the
campground to share the miraculous experience with others. My recollection was much more peaceful than that of my friend's daughter. Amanda watched in horror as the whole event unraveled. Her account is that of seeing Aleda catch the wave I referred her to, and as that wave swept both girls to safety, the back wave took me out to sea. Once in the shallow water, they called to the people on the beach for help, but the sound of the surf drowned their voices. They lost sight of me almost immediately, but they were sure they had been standing there at least five minutes, when I came out of the water "like a mermaid."
"No," I contradicted, "God picked me up from where ever I was and put me there. I didn't go under the water at all."
This incident made me realize even more that God, in His love and mercy, has a plan for my life. Later as we approached the local police station to request one of their posters they had plastered all over the Long Beach businesses warning swimmers not to swim. (We were about 6 miles further north, and there were no beach signs, like there have been in other areas I have visited.) I told him I wanted 3 posters - one for each of us - and recounted the events of the day. He asked where we were swimming, and I told him. His eyebrows shot up, and he grew quiet then remarked, "That is the most dangerous section of the beach in the area. Many people get carried out just surf fishing."
I asked why there weren't signs or anything, he stated the RV Park gives out printed warnings to those who check in. I shuddered to think about the little ones playing at the front edge of the surf as we were there.